Easter 6, Year B: Expanding Definitions: Friendship

The Rev. Alecia Greenfield

I have called you a friend.

Being a friend can be difficult. Friendship doesn't have the same predictable patterns as families or the structure of teacher/student, master/servant. It is easy to make relationship errors when the bonds are affection (not rules and expectations). We humans tend to stick to friendships in the safe space of familiar patterns. We mostly imagine friends as people and often stick to people who look like us, talk like us, and live in similar economic situations. It feels safer.

But Jesus didn't do that. He ate with tax collectors and sinners, made friends, and taught Samaritans, lepers, and women. Saint Peter was also called to expand his circle of friends. In dreams and action, Peter stepped out of the familiar, safe bounds of the Jewish community to accept the friendly hospitality of Gentiles

In a world of power dynamics, of masters and slaves, teacher and student, Jesus chooses to embrace a model of friendship. Can we do the same? Can we expand the bonds of friendship to people we cannot currently understand as friends? Can we expand our sense of friend to all creation?

Commentary

• Acts 10:44-48

  Prior: The disciple Peter is struggling to make sense of the growing role of Gentiles in what had previously been a Jewish mission. Paul believed Jesus' message of faith was for the Jewish people and required compliance with Jewish law. Now, the Holy Spirit, in dreams (Acts 10:9-16) and opportunities (Acts 10:28), is instructing Peter to change his beliefs and behaviors.

  Verse 44 Peter is speaking, preaching, and teaching to a crowd of Gentiles when the Holy Spirit falls on everyone, even those Peter had thought were excluded from the gift of the Spirit (the Gentiles)

  Verse 45, the Jewish followers of Christ with Peter are astonished that the Holy Spirit is also on the Gentiles.

  Verse 46 provides proof of Holy experiences even by the Gentiles.

  Verse 47 Peter asks – (but really, he is observing) if the Holy Spirit accepts Gentiles, who is he (Peter) to deny baptism?

  Verse 48 Peter has these Gentiles baptized in the name of Jesus. Then, Peter stays with the Gentiles, which requires a change in Peter's interpretation of Jewish law.

  After: Peter returns to Jerusalem, where his community criticizes him for including Gentiles in the baptized community of faith. Peter explains himself (but the controversy continues)

• Psalm 98

  This is a psalm of praise, celebrating God's reign and throne, who's authority extends over all creation. It invites all creation to make a joyful noise in praise of God.

• John 15:9-17

  Prior: This passage is part of the farewell discourse, the very long goodbye speech of Jesus to his disciples. Jesus has just told the disciples that he will be betrayed and that he is leaving. It is clear that the gathered disciples do not understand (Jon 13-14). Just prior to these verses, Jesus proclaims he is (I am) the true vine, and all those who abide in him will bear much fruit, which is to the Father's glory.

  Verse 9 Continuing the discussion, Jesus teaches that just as God the Father has loved Jesus, so too has Jesus loved disciples and

  Verse 10: if disciples keep Jesus' commands, disciples will remain in love

  Verse 11: In love, the joy of Jesus and the disciples will be complete

  Verse 12: The command is to love one another as Jesus has loved them

  Verse 13 The teaching is: the greatest expression of love is to lay down one's life for one's friends

  Verse 14 Jesus names the disciples as friends if they do as he commands

  Verse 15: The gathered disciples are friends because friends tell each other everything, as Jesus has told them everything

  Verse 16 Jesus chose those gathered and appointed them to bear fruit (see John 15:8), and whatever is asked for in Jesus' name the Father will give.

  Verse 17 is a reminder that Jesus' commandment is to love each other.

  Following this passage, Jesus warns the disciples that they will be persecuted and hated, even as Jesus has been persecuted and hated. He teaches that haters hate without understanding. Then, Jesus promises to send the Advocate (the Holy Spirit, the Spirit of Truth) to the disciples.

Preaching and Teaching Ideas

What is it to be a friend (broadening our human friendship)?

We often gather with people who have similar outlooks and assumptions. How might we learn to broaden our friendships beyond current boundaries? How might we practice being friends outside of comforting patterns of communication and expectations? How do we stay with the love of friendship through the almost inevitable misunderstandings and mistakes? Then, how do we do this work while our society, most broadly, is normalizing reactionary fear and polarization?

• Read More

  Inspired by scripture:

  • Jesus names as friend Peter, who will deny him

  • When Jesus says, I have loved you (Jn 15:9), does he include friendship with Judas, who is outside the gathered circle right now?

  Practicing our faith:  Examples of practices that might be useful in my congregation

  • glistening as a witness (neither agreeing nor disagreeing)

  • exploring lament (instead of the power dynamics of "fixing" things)

  • Rite of reconciliation, the practice of telling the truth of our sins and errors before God so that we can do the difficult work of learning new behaviors and mindsets to support new friendships

What is to be a friend (expanding friendship to all creation)?

How might we be in a relationship, even friendship, with more of creation? Can we be a friend to organisms whose experiences of the world are completely different from our own? For example, a friend to an octopus or a friend to a tree without anthropomorphizing.

• Read More

  Inspired by scripture:

  • Elijah was fed by ravens (1 Kings 17:4)

  • A lily is held up as a model for us to learn from (Mat 6:28-33)

  Meeting new friends:

  • Imagining a friendship with a tree.

    • Learning about trees, we learn that a lot of their communication is done with their roots in synergy with fungal networks. If we want to be friends with trees on their terms, maybe instead of hugging their trunk, we should back up a couple of meters and sing to their roots. Our song sending the vibrations of our praise and friendship to a tree in a place where they might feel it.

  • Respecting trees might also mean respecting their community. Trees that grow from seed near their mother tree grow up in a web of family. Trees that we plant in isolation grow up without the same communal network. How can we be friends and support lonely trees?

  • Imagining a friendship with an octopus

  • Learning about octopuses, part of their brain, and maybe their very consciousness is in their tentacles and skin. When we are friends with an octopus, what would we learn from our friends if we trusted the intelligence of our skin?

  • Understanding the octopus as a friend, could we better join with the sea when it resounds with joy?

  Practicing our faith (suggestions)

  • Local pilgrimage. Mindfully stepping into holy time by walking through the places we live and worship to witness and pray for what is present as we find it.

  • Practicing paying attention to mystery and noticing everything we cannot know. Practice loving friends we will never entirely understand.

Laying down our life for our friends

A challenging element of this passage is the words about laying down our lives for our friends. Jesus lays down his life for us all. By tradition, most named disciples also lay down their lives to stay true to their faith. Martyrdom is a tradition of our faith. The origin of the word martyr is to witness. A Martyr is a person who voluntarily dies, sacrifices, or suffers for the love (and witness) of their faith. They lay down their life for their friends.

Christians today continue to suffer and die for their faith. Throughout Northern Africa and Asia, Christians are subject to violence, persecution, and murder. Martyrdom is a conversation for today.

• Read More

  But it is a complicated conversation. In secular North America- colloquially, the term martyr can also mean a victim. Someone who draws selfish attention to themselves by their (real or perceived) sacrifices. Further, where there is talk about martyrdom, there is also the possibility of the glorification of violence and unnecessary suffering. In polarized conflict, what one person/community calls martyrdom, another person/community names terrorism (for example, suicide bombers).

  How can we fruitfully talk about martyrs, people who are willing to sacrifice even their lives for the Holy love of their friends, God, or the world? Without promoting or romanticizing violence or suffering? Especially when so many important distinctions are invisibly tucked away in the heart and soul. For example, one person is giving their life in love and friendship to a difficult duty and feels connected to the wholeness of their soul's being. They (mostly) feel connected to the community and connected to God. The next person does the same activity and feels disconnected from their soul, resentful and angry at the community, and isolated from God. How does the church talk about these distinctions? Meanwhile, while I dither on distinctions, the United Nations is reporting an increase in harassment, violence, and murder of environmental defenders, defined as "individuals and groups who, in their personal or professional capacity and in a peaceful manner, strive to protect and promote human rights relating to the environment, including water, air, land, flora and fauna.".

  A preacher and teacher can turn to stories that hold friendship at their core.

  For example, Homero Gomez and Raul Hernandez were murdered (it is assumed) for their work preserving a monarch butterfly sanctuary in Mexico. It is believed that either the local cartel or illegal loggers took their lives. His family said he dedicated his life to protecting the butterfly sanctuary, and in 2020, they believed he lost his life this way.

  Mr. Gomez chose to continue protecting the butterfly sanctuary even when he was threatened. There is no evidence (available to me) that he wanted to suffer or die. It is just that living most fully meant continuing to promote and protect the butterflies.

  We can teach witnessing means paying attention to these lives and not looking away from challenging elements of our faith or our world. 

Sources and Resources

Re-examining and expanding what it is to be a friend

Godfrey-Smith, Peter, Other Minds: the Octopus, the Sea and Deep Origins of Consciousness, (UK, Farrar, Staus and Giroux, LLC and HarperCollins, 2016).

Kimmerer, Robin Wall, Braiding Sweetgrass: Indigenous Wisdom, Scientific Knowledge and the Teaching of Plants, (Minneapolis, Milkweed Editions, 2013).

My Octopus Teacher, Directors, Pippa Ehrlich and James Reed, Staring Craig Forster and the octopus, (Netflix, 2020).

Partnership as Mission (Kenneth Grey and Maylanne Edit.) (Oregon, Wipf & Stock, 2023).

Sheldrake, Merlin, Entangled Life (London, Bodley Head, 2000).

Simard, Suzanne, Finding the Mother Tree, (New York, Alfred A Knopf, 2021).

Wohlleben, Peter, The Hidden Life of Trees (Jane Billinghurst, Trans.) ( Vancouver, Gretstobr Books, 2015).

Zehr, Marylin, “Hermit Thrush Joy” Radical Discipleship https://radicaldiscipleship.net/2018/05/03/wild-lectionary-hermit-thrush-joy/

Giving our Lives for a Friend

Casper, Jayson, ‘The 50 Counties Where It’s Hardest to Follow Jesus in 2024,’ Christianity Today, https://www.christianitytoday.com/news/2024/january/christian-persecution-2024-countries-open-doors-watch-list.html January 17, 2024.

Grant, Will, ‘Mexico Violence: Why were two butterfly activists found dead?’ BBC, https://www.bbc.com/news/world-latin-america-51488262  February 13, 20220.

Laufer, Peter, “The death of two conservationists reveals the dangerous world of Monarch butterflies, Globe and Mail, Published Feb 7, 2020.

Who are environmental defenders, UN https://www.unep.org/topics/environmental-law-and-governance/who-are-environmental-defenders

Resources for spiritual practices 

Calhoum, Adele Ahlberg, Spiritual Disciplines Handbook,( Illinois, IVP Books, 2015).

Clark King, Ellen, Path to Your Door, (London, Continuum, 2011).

Laird, Martin, Into The Silent Land, A guide to the Christian Practice of Contemplation, (Oxford, University Press, 2006).

Contributor Bio

The Rev. Alecia Greenfield is rector of St. Anselm Anglican Parish in Vancouver BC. Her interests include Christian ministry and ecojustice advocacy. She is an artist and lover of all creation especially as she promoted the spiritual practice of pilgrimage.

Photo Credits

Art and photo by Alecia Greenfield

A collage of endangered butterflies on a field of rust and crosses